Sandy Moss or Sweaty Sapphire?
by Drowning Starfish
Summary: Ike and Stefan both love Soren. Who will reign supreme? You decide! IkexSorenxStefan DISCONTINUED
1. Prologue

I don't own anything...

For MEMORY-DELETED XD

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-Prologue-

Today was going to be the day.

Ike jumped out of his bedroll, excited.

He shined his boots with a tattered rag, he dusted off his cape. He combed his hair using a brush he borrowed from Shinon after an hour of merciless taunts. Ike folded his sleeves up with extra care, he tucked his pants into his boots neatly. He buckled his belt one notch tighter than usual.

He had to look handsome this morning if he wanted to be successful in winning Soren's heart.

Ike walked out of his tent, a spring in his step.

Today was going to be the day.

Stefan jumped out of his bedroll, excited.

He tied and retied his sash until it looked just right. He adjusted his robe until it hung off his shoulder in the most handsome manner. He pulled his boots to his knees and stroked his hair until it looked perfect. He

He had to look handsome this morning if he wanted to be successful in winning Soren's heart.

Stefan walked out of his tent, a spring in his step.

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Soren felt as though something terrible would occur today. He knew fate was laying traps for him. Soren decided to ask Rhys about this, because Rhys was like the Oprah of the army. Everyone talked to him about their problems, and in turn he would give uplifting advice.

"When you've had a terrible day and you feel like you've hit rock bottom, things can only get better from there. Don't worry! I'm sure that you'll manage to stay positive and your patience will be rewarded!"

Thats why he didn't ask Rhys for advice. Did Rhys know him at all? Had Soren ever shown positivity in his thinking? The black-garbed boy decided to ignore the priest.

Soren walked through the camp quickly, as if death was at his heels. He was eager to get inside his tent before a calamity occurred.

But it was happening, the mage knew it with every fiber of his being.

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Continue? Then review! I'm holding chapters hostage!! Except I haven't written them...

Vote in your reviews on who wins! Stefan or Ike! Even though we all know I'm a die hard IkexSoren fan, I'll make it StefanxSoren if its the majority. However, if people don't vote/review, they all die! HAAHAHAAH I'm evil and high right now. We'll see if I actually follow through with these threats...

By the way, chapters will be named after the songs on Blackout. (Britney Spears' most recent album!) Don't freak out, I love Britney.


	2. Radar

Thanks for reviewing!

I don't own anything...

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-Radar-

The morning was slightly chilly, yet pleasant. The sun shyly hovered above the horizon, sending bright rays across the land. Birds sang their morning song, waking up the rest of the animal community. How pretty.

"Son. Of. A. Bitch." Soren cursed under his breath when he saw two men walking towards him. Although he was friends with both Ike and Stefan, something was wrong today. They looked...excited, they looked nice. They were possessed, Soren knew it.

Ike had spotted Soren's panicked figure shortly after he left his tent, and decided to pursue him. He wasn't aware Stefan had the same intentions until he saw Stefan walking near him, with his path leading towards Soren! Ike quickened his pace and Stefan quickened his, until the two were sprinting towards Soren.

As you would imagine, two fully grown men in the army looking more groomed than usual with excited looks on their faces sprinting towards Soren was slightly creepy.

Okay it was very creepy. Which was why Soren cast a wind spell at the ground, sending dirt flying in their faces while he ran away.

dbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdb

As his pursuers were on the ground, coughing, Soren ducked into a nearby tent where he could escape the inevitable for now.

Of all the tents, it was the one shared by Marcia, Mia, and Mist. (M's!)

Soren could only imagine half of the stupidity that went on in that tent, but before he could run outside again...

"Soren! My favorite scrawny, emo, pasty, depressed, mean, skinny, white, loser, downer--"

"Chestnuts, Mia! I think we all get the point! You're almost as bad as my idiot brother! That no good gravy-eyes, that biscuit-heart!"

"Marcia, I don't even know what half of those insults even mean."

"Shut it, Mist! Mist isn't even a name. Unless you're Misty, from Pokemon. She rocks."

"What's Pokemon?"

"This a joke!? Sea cucumbers! The best ever!"

"I know the Poke-rap!"

"Gotta catch 'em all!"

"Wot?"

"Oh yeah, Soren! You're here. I kinda forgot. You know, all that black. And you're white skin!"

"You're like a reaper!"

"A specter!"

"A ghost!"

"An apparition!"

"A phantom!"

"A vampire!"

"You're like Voldy!" (Start Mia and Marcia's British accents)

"Aaaah!! He-who-must-not-be-named!"

"Stupify!"

"Expeliarmus!

"Avada-cadabra!"

"You can't use that one! That's cheap!"

"Well Voldy is cheap, so suck it."

"Oh, Soren again. Hi there."

"Hello!"

"Hi!"

"Ello!"

"Konnichiwa!"

"Bonjour!"

"Hola!"

"Guten tag!"

"Anyway...why are you here?"

"Uh..." Soren was petrified after seeing the three talk forever. Possibly longer.

"Well? Spit it out, crabcakes!!" Marcia yelled. (crabcakes?)

"Oh! I'm hiding from Ike and Stefan."

"That's why!"

"You looked scared."

"Like you just saw Aimee's vag."

"Yeah, that's right, we know you're gay."

"You like the mens."

"Up the ass."

"Swords."

"Manly men."

"With bulging muscles."

"Oh!! And Ike and Stefan are gay too, and they're probably after you...so you got scared, and wussied out in here."

"Ike is not gay!"

"Dude, Mist, you're a dipshit. Have you even _seen_ him around Soren. It's like...Jesus sharting."

"Was that good or bad?"

"Whatever. Anyway, the one time Titania threw herself at him, remember that? He totally screamed and ran away from her."

"He's all 'Ick, lady pussy!'"

"Hehe. I thought Titania was..."

"OMG me too! Or like, post-op or something."

"Maybe its that angry-man-face she always has on."

"Oh Mist, innocent child. That just means she isn't getting any."

"Any what?"

"Oh gawd. Anyway, Soren. Which one do you like?"

Soren was alarmed that he was once again included in the conversation, "ME?! Neither, of course!!"

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Soren."

"Bean curd, Mia, that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

"Can it, Marcia."

"Frozen peas! Anyway, we know you like Ike."

"Ike."

"Ike."

"Ike."

"Ikey-poo."

"Why don't we all talk about your relationship?! Here, come sit on the bed with us! Girl talk!"

"NO." Soren deadpanned and abruptly walked outside.

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Wasn't that horrifying? Keep reviewing and voting if you want me to continue! You can still decide who you want to win!


	3. NOTE!

THIS ISN'T A CHAPTER!

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Hey guys...

I'm SORRY!! I have to stop the story...

1- I don't like it. It's really dumb to me, and it doesn't inspire me at all.

2- I don't have time for it. I have 3 group projects to do this month. In each group, I am the only intelligent person and so I will be doing the work of 12 people until the end of school. This is in addition to French and Math homework everyday. I barely have the time to write this note.

3- I have a social life right now! New friends, potential boyfriends, maybe some parties. I'm off fostering relationships, and I'd choose fun over fanfiction any day.

4- StefanxSoren. The very idea of writing it. The very possibility! I really can't write Soren with anyone besides Ike. Sorry kids.

I know this is irresponsible and I'm disappointing all of you!! I let you down!! I'm sorry!! I'm really not committed enough to write a multi chapter story...please just expect lame one shots from me like I've been doing.

I'm sorry!! Thank you!!

-D. Starfish


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